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Putrid Smoke

by Li Conde

Start

the sky’s the colour of canned salmon 

when i see that you’ve posted a poem 

for the first time since our last text exchange

which ended like a cigarette being put out

an easy-to-smoke menthol cigarette 

its papery exoskeleton twitching noiselessly 

your stanzas are like carefully painted blood draining straight out of a frida kahlo self-portrait

your speech bubbles look to me like wooden alphabet blocks that spell out 

something along the lines of “i swear i’m all grown up”

the sky is past its expiration date 

swirling bruise-purple accumulations

choke the construction-crane-ridden horizon 

the highway roaring with jealousy 

stuck in its unilateral dimension

a small tendril of greenery reaches out to a pool of motor oil because it looks like a rainbow.

then it recoils, reminded once again.

Black and white Sumac Issue 1 logo. A dark grey circle, on top of which is a lighter grey shape, roughly the outline of Carleton University's campus. On top of this is a lighter grey and white outline of a sumac plant.

Li Conde (they/them), a nonbinary amateur artist and writer, submitted three short poems: Coming of age in manic depression, Trying to moult when young, and It’s maybe 30% trauma. These works offer a glimpse of their life after having been diagnosed with type one manic depression (bipolar disorder) in September of 2021, at eighteen, after suffering a psychotic episode and being hospitalized for it. What followed was the pressures resulting from being sub-textually told they were insane by the medical establishment. Their attitude to writing and art is a therapeutic one. They ask: how can we increase our aliveness in a system that tells us we can never heal? How can young, queer, mentally ill people be finally allowed to be treated more like adults when no one trusts them? How do we “fix” lifelong diagnoses and gender dysphoria that are not supposed to be fixable? 

Conde’s poetry is meant to be meticulously paced and easy to absorb. They strive to create art moments that are meaningful to everyone, and are fostering an impulse of imbibing their life with as much art and literature as possible.

 

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