{"id":434,"date":"2023-04-14T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-04-14T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sumacliterarymagazine.com\/staging\/2534\/?p=434"},"modified":"2023-08-23T16:13:44","modified_gmt":"2023-08-23T16:13:44","slug":"trying-to-molt-when-young","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sumacliterarymagazine.com\/staging\/2534\/trying-to-molt-when-young\/","title":{"rendered":"Trying to Molt When Young"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Under the benches
<\/span>of the girl\u2019s locker room,
<\/span>in a small private elementary school,
<\/span>is my deadname, calligraphy in the wood.
<\/span>A pencil with my deadname on it.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Last night my mother finally choked up
<\/span>and admitted,
<\/span>I think you\u2019re beautiful<\/span><\/i>.
<\/span>You\u2019re a beautiful girl.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m watching my little girl die.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is my childhood handwriting feminine?
<\/span>OR DID MY MOMMY STAB ME IN THE SOLAR PLEXUS?
<\/span>With a pencil, with\u2014
<\/span>\u2014my deadname on it.
<\/span>I got compliments once people finally understood what I was mumbling.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s a very nice name.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m just a mouldy sandwich on the side of the road
<\/span>with parents for bread.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wish I had nothing to do
<\/span>with the dead little girl I have been dragging around.
<\/span>Why can\u2019t I be beautiful and not a girl, Maman?<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Ma petite fille.
Je t\u2019aime.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

You can\u2019t make a corpse grow any taller or realer.
<\/span>I had to amputate this thing
<\/span>to save myself.
<\/span>Don\u2019t you understand?
<\/span>I will be my own pallbearer.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n
\n
\"Black<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Li Conde <\/strong>(they\/them) is a nonbinary amateur artist and writer. Conde’s poetry is meant to be meticulously paced and easy to absorb. They strive to create art moments that are meaningful to everyone, and are fostering an impulse of imbibing their life with as much art and literature
as possible.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Under the benches \/ of the girl\u2019s locker room, \/ in a small private elementary school, \/ is my deadname, calligraphy in the wood. \/ A pencil with my deadname on it…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":575,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[42,47,10],"tags":[43],"class_list":["post-434","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-issue-1a","category-issue-1-poetry","category-poetry","tag-poetry","style--link-3"],"yoast_head":"\nTrying to Molt When Young - Sumac Literary Magazine<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Under the benches of the girl\u2019s locker room, in a small private elementary school, is my deadname, calligraphy in the wood. 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