{"id":291,"date":"2023-04-14T12:00:28","date_gmt":"2023-04-14T12:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sumacliterarymagazine.com\/staging\/2534\/?p=291"},"modified":"2023-08-23T16:06:02","modified_gmt":"2023-08-23T16:06:02","slug":"us-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sumacliterarymagazine.com\/staging\/2534\/us-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"Us Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>One February, Mum made me write notes on&nbsp;<em>Scooby-Doo<\/em>&nbsp;valentines. She called out \u201crun\u2013on sentence\u201d and \u201ccomma splice\u201d before ordering me to scratch my patchwork title, then other ones: Klara, and Alice, and Ashlyn, and Eddie\u2014Dom and Nick. But us kids knew these last two, the oldest, most pungent boys, as Dominic. So, when I had to give them two valentines, they latched onto me together, crushing their jaws into my hand. Tooth\u2013marked, I flung fractured crayons at their heads, and shrapnel spread on impact. They were an occasional terror, Dominic, sometimes bruising us kids, always sucking up to the adults.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But by spring, the twins had divided their attention between us and our teacher, Miss Mandible\u00b9. She\u2019d half\u2013sit, half\u2013lie in her desk chair, exhausted after our grammar lesson, by our disregard for her constraints. Her lethargy only encouraged the twins who, just that last winter, would help us animate our Polly Pockets. But in March they learned to deploy&nbsp;<em>Diary of a Wimpy Kid&nbsp;<\/em>hardbacks as bludgeons, seemed to favour this kind of play. Once, they even plucked Eddie from our lunch table, thwapped his head with the purple book, and crushed him face\u2013first into the partition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Today, the twins occupy the carpet,&nbsp;and&nbsp;race Hot Wheels into the wall so fast they crack while us kids sit criss-cross applesauce around Miss Mandible\u2019s desk. We release mournful giggles over our half\u2013mother\u2019s half\u2013death, soothe her with whispers, dust off her cloth shoes which are squishy because the world is hard on her bones. Our work continues until we grow impatient and begin to pick at her layer of nylon stocking. We want to rip through to her, but only cue unexpected snooze\u2013slurries of words. Her phrases don\u2019t register in our little brains, but we nearly piss ourselves in euphony, mimicking her syllables\u2014someone actually bursts. Still savouring the finish of Miss Mandible\u2019s codswallop in our mouths and ears, we wipe down at the sink, pat dry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When we turn back to the desk, a knot of dust passes from one of the twins\u2019 hands into our teacher\u2019s lower jaw. She blinks to life with some virulent mindset, and the reeking twins sprint away, cackling like they\u2019ve made a joke. Miss Mandible, after recovering from her slip in our pee, clenches her jaw and charges. We wail in North Korean funeral fashion as she smacks Dom\u2019s lips and Nick\u2019s butt like this is the UFC.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Miss Mandible punishes by splitting, like today is March\u2019s pioneer school field trip during which our teacher was Jennifer. We had to call her Mrs. Miller in the museum\u2019s schoolhouse despite overhearing, outside, Jennifer\u2019s complaints about her boyfriend\u2019s non\u2013proposal. Still, we didn\u2019t question Mrs. Miller\u2019s pseudonym; the grade eights had told us disobedience in pioneer times guaranteed use of the strap, but more importantly, we were convinced calling her \u201cMrs.\u201d might make her happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Life inside the schoolhouse was just wood and lacquer chips fracturing under our little fingers, theoretical dissection of a cow sketch on blackboard, our revolted labelling of its beef cuts. Mum told me, after her divorce, in chopped sobs and present tense, how she married Dad in that same schoolhouse. I remember my anxious righthandedness etched on the slate\u2014Dom, dunce capped for uttering \u201cJennifer\u201d\u2014Nick\u2019s sobs about his hatless status and separation from Dom. Us kids found our connections with Dominic akin to our bout with chicken pox, yet we got over the itching, and we cried seeing them apart. But Miss Mandible, chaperone Doug, and chaperone Suzie laughed at our grief, singled each of us out with index fingers. Each adult watched our individual embarrassments, analyzed Klara\u2019s soggy cheeks, Eddies slack mouth, my darting eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, on the bus ride home, us kids chose to revolt, to slip Dominic some Twizzlers we\u2019d, for preparation\u2019s sake, practiced strapping each others\u2019 wrists with. We peeled the strips in clumps like Scotch Tape off the roll, they were all we had to heal, sugar was the only way we could speak on the bus, the adults would destroy any written notes, they\u2019d tear our words apart, our voices to dust. Dominic\u2019s moping hand reached for us, flexing, only to flick our offerings to the floor and yank away. The culprit erupted a lone head out over the seatback. It was Nick, who cut us off with chaperone Doug\u2019s commandment: \u201cYou aren\u2019t allowed candy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u00b9 Character from Donald Barthelme\u2019s \u201cMe and Miss Mandible\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:60px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/sumacliterarymagazine.com\/staging\/2534\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/sumacbw-1024x1024.png\" alt=\"Black and white Sumac Issue 1 logo. A dark grey circle, on top of which is a lighter grey shape, roughly the outline of Carleton University's campus. On top of this is a lighter grey and white outline of a sumac plant.\" class=\"wp-image-1492\" style=\"width:95px;height:95px\" width=\"95\" height=\"95\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sumacliterarymagazine.com\/staging\/2534\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/sumacbw-1024x1024.png 1024w, https:\/\/sumacliterarymagazine.com\/staging\/2534\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/sumacbw-300x300.png 300w, https:\/\/sumacliterarymagazine.com\/staging\/2534\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/sumacbw-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/sumacliterarymagazine.com\/staging\/2534\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/sumacbw-768x769.png 768w, https:\/\/sumacliterarymagazine.com\/staging\/2534\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/sumacbw-480x480.png 480w, https:\/\/sumacliterarymagazine.com\/staging\/2534\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/sumacbw.png 1319w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 95px) 100vw, 95px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\" style=\"font-size:15px\"><strong>Nathan Erb<\/strong> is an undergraduate student in Carleton&#8217;s English program, concentrating in creative writing. His work has been published by the Carleton English department and FASS.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One February, Mum made me write notes on Scooby-Doo valentines. She called out \u201crun\u2013on sentence\u201d and \u201ccomma splice\u201d before ordering me to scratch my patchwork title\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":2391,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[42,48,11],"tags":[44],"class_list":["post-291","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-issue-1a","category-issue-1-prose","category-prose","tag-prose","style--link-3"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Us Kids - Sumac Literary Magazine<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"One February, Mum made me write notes on Scooby-Doo valentines. She called out \u201crun\u2013on sentence\u201d and \u201ccomma splice\u201d before ordering me to\u2026\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/sumacliterarymagazine.com\/staging\/2534\/us-kids\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Us Kids - Sumac Literary Magazine\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"One February, Mum made me write notes on Scooby-Doo valentines. 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