Please Hold

please press ‘0’ if you wish to speak to an underpaid clerk 

who is studying philosophy part time

please be careful

please have a seat

PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEATBELT

please refrain from smoking at this time (heroin is just fine) 

please complete your timesheet by end of day

please make sure you have all your belongings with you

please make sure your ID is visible at all times

please continue to hold the safety bar at all times

please get undressed from the waist down

please ensure all baggage is stowed 

and your personality is in an upright position

please keep to the left

please keep the left from being too right

please ensure you have your ticket

please pay at the parking station

PLEASE DISREGARD ALL PREVIOUS PLEASES

please stop trying to please everyone

please make sure all abstract art is hung upside down

please continue to hold the chicken between your knees

please don’t worry about it, it’s nothing at all

please forward this message to your team

please face forward

please face the wall and put your hands on your head

PLEASE WATCH YOUR HEAD

please watch the time

please watch your watch

please follow the guidelines

please continue to hold and take a deep breath 

please guide yourselves towards the exit at the end of the show

please show them out

please know there is no pleasing them 

please ensure your existence isn’t left behind

please try again at reincarnation 

please

please 

PLEASE CONTINUE TO HOLD