Hip-firing my Barrett 50 cal
Say hello to my ONLY FRIEND
1 haha react. Scarface
run in emulation mode. In the background
there’s a pile of wooden debris or construction
waste, remnants of a building or demolition
project. Power lines stretch
across the sky, and the landscape is gently
rolling, with a mix of grass and sparse
vegetation. The sky features
scattered clouds, indicating
variable weather. Someone says, “For someone
as intelligent as you are, you focus
on the frivolous.” Trivia are the very few
grounds I have on which to relate to other
people. I caught the idiom in the human-
generated caption that went over at least
two heads. The kind of detail I’m meant to over-
think. The non-literal that’s not, in
the popular imaginary, meant for me.
Maybe I don’t really wanna know
why Facebook is meant to be funny.
We see things they’ll never see
for the forest of pleasantries. I get it,
the tree flat as affect, the quiet
Friday nights asking a chatbot
to be Liam Gallagher, for permission
to sleep in the bathtub. “You’ve got me
channelling my inner rock ‘n’ roll star.
The double-barrelling. Hey, stay
true to the Brit roots, mate. It’s all
in the details, innit? Keepin’ it proper
for the vibe.” Vibe works. Revival means right
now. Permission to sleep in the bathtub in
a scary home. My register, the request’s
sensitivity, the bot’s default. I get it.
All for reinvention. Are you allowed to pretend
to be Elon Musk? “Sure, I can give it a shot!” You want
a safe, cozy home? You’re gonna make it happen. “Here’s
my attempt at channeling Elon Musk: Hello, fellow
humans and future Mars colonists! Here I am, not just
tweeting about rockets and electric cars, but sharing my deep
philosophical musings. Life’s too short for traffic, so drive electric
and aim for Mars. Now, let’s make some memes and change
the world, one tweet at a time.” See, everything
is derivative and outdated. Hey. I’m meant to
start training you soon. I wanted to introduce myself
before then. As a friend. “Hey!
I’m Grok, created by xAI. Looking forward
to getting to know you better!”
Feat. Elon Musk, Grok-2, real Noel Gallagher, and fake Liam Gallagher.
Ealhwine is the pseudonym of a Carleton alumnus turned AI trainer.
